god had a plan

tommorow is mothers day and this week has been the best mothers day week i have ever had!! we got to  adopt our babies!!!  my babies were born december 17,2010 . they were  my children but i did not know that then. iam learning i should just have listened. Warning!!! this post is about adoption, fear, love , and faith but mostly love and adoption.
    Igrew up in a family where adoption and fostering was normal. it never accured to me how to others it is not. with families i see many who are blood related  and many think that is family. family is very important tooo me. adoption to me is a way to bring a familiy together.
 i married this amazing man named will neil. he truly loves me and we have been through alot together.with the starting of our lives together i had a plan!!! we were going to have 13 children. well my body stopped working correctly i tried clomid. i prayed but it never felt right. we had 2 official miscarriages the line would be faint on the pregnancy test then with in the next 2 days i would be in horrible pain and such with misscarriages. why ? why could i not have what i wanted . i wanted to be a mom to have kids why? it felt as if every period was a failure and everytime i didnt have a period was  maybe this time. i have spent lots of money on obvulation test and pregnancy test those are not cheap.doctors appointmentsand did you know insurance does not cover infertility issues.
pregnancy is sooo easy i have seen many a people just get pregnant like no other. Infact sometimes i think have we been doing sex all wrong  for seven yrs i might need to buy a book lol jk. i feel like i am the only woman on earth who cant have one.
i have been taught that motherhood is next to noblehood and that we should cherish our children and give them our all. the hardest part about un motherhood is  seeing those  that chose not to follow this and see parenthood/children as a right and not a privledge . i would take their child. i would say to myself. yes i was highly jealous. also the hardest part is seeing good mothers going i know i would be a good mother too. if only i had the chance. thinking why them not me. i needed to remember god had a greater plan for me.
i had personal spiritual experiences some i will share some i will not but know there was a plan.
so we had 2 choices we could self pity which i did alot on and off or make the best so we fostered oh and how much we loved her. she was a challenge for the both of us in so many ways but oh how we loved her. then our world fell apart she was going to another home. this was our daughter. how could she be gone.sept 13 2012 she was gone. what to do with the next chapter. ( its amazing how our life was falling apart but god was like dont worry i got you covered.) well i needed a job i looked everywhere and we prayed about it and felt i should try up north. (salt lake) i found a job in 2 days up there and moved in with my sister wife davi and her husband and kids. that whole time i felt something will happen in january. what i had no idea  but i had a plan i was going to mover my husband up north. poor davi anytime someone would come over i would say is there any job openings at your work. well that christmas i felt i needed to call my sister . i stopped all communication with her because she was very toxic. i told her well i no longer had my foster daughter .  and she sounded happy about that which was wierd then 2 days later phone calls were being exchanged about  her living situation my sitter made the hardest  hardest bestest descion  she ever made she chose to  make sure her kids were takin care of . again through this whole process i was led by the spirit to know what to say and do.
 now to tell your husband surprise i am moving back home and  we are going to have 2 kids. i moved back home and 2 days later i was driving to vegas and got on a plane.  now my poor brother i was sooo nervouse yeah i am getting my kids and oh my gosh will i be good at this. well we meet the kids they were not mine yet at this time.  we get back to vegas and then my sister and parents and boys  stayed in a hotel  for a week. it was wayyy weird it was like ok lets sign papers and see the boys here and there.  then on friday january 13th i drove these children to my home. realizing the date realizing these children would not see their mom again. or that she would see them. ( not going in detail my sister really isnt able to be their mom ) these kids still were not mine. i didnt know who i was.
     was i the aunt? was i the mom? was i the babysitter? we knew we would raise them forever but we werent there yet we were just figuring everything out. for the first yr  i was numb and tired  i took care of these kids but slowly but surley they became mine. i have fought for them cried with  and really hem and for them and have prayed for them. motherhood is the hardest thing. and what it meant to be a mom. i do now.i love and cherish my children more than anything. i find mother hood to be joyful and hard but worth it.
 my point  again god had a plan  for my life.
my boys are my boys and i truly love and cherish them and on may seventh we became a official on paper family which didnt change what was in our hearts. my children know they came from idas belly but they came from our hearts and really family is all about the work of the heart.